How to practice - Habit Forming
At the end of the day, practice is a habit.
It is either part of our routine or it is not. Developing new habits is difficult, especially those that involve difficult tasks, and ESPECIALLY those that present rewards that are realized over the long term rather than in the form of instant gratification. Getting into a musical practice routine is, therefore, a difficult battle in and of itself. And worse yet, it is all too easy to slip out of that routine. It can be a bit like dieting - UGH! In this guide I’ll help you understand as a parent, student, or teacher, what it takes to develop and maintain strong practice habits.
First, a confession.
I am not very good at keeping a practice routine. I am an extremely efficient practicer that knows how to get a lot done in a short period of time. I am extremely goal-oriented and, as an egomaniacal trumpet player, am a bit of a show-off. But if there isn’t a challenging performance on my periphery, I slacken into bad habits very easily. I want to start here because of course every person is different and there will be nuances that you have to adjust for personal traits. In my case, I need to commit to performances so that I can be motivated to impress and avoid embarrassing myself.
Now, a quick myth-bust.
It is so very tempting for parents and teachers to think that the way to a kid’s heart is “relating to them.” This is a very intuitive impulse but it is flatly wrong. Feeding kids music that is from a movie that they like is simply not a way to light that spark in a lasting and healthy way. Researchers have studied this in many different disciplines, including music, and found that PACING is much more important to long-term student interest than “relatability.” This of course falls more on the teacher than the parent, but please don’t be tempted by the idea to force this into your kid’s lessons. It often has the appearance of working because, for a small burst, that newness and relationship to Star Wars (or whatever the student is into) is exciting! But because this whole notion is founded on false beliefs about habit-forming, it is doomed to crumble. The long-term effect can actually be devastating to progress. I’m not saying “don’t play Star Wars.” I’m saying - don’t think that putting Star Wars in front of your kid will be a magic fix to bad practice habits.
It’s called habit FORMING for a reason.
A lot of parents and teachers start out with the expectation - “now that we’re signing you up for lessons, you have to practice every day!” To be blunt, this expectation is absurd, especially if your kid is very young. The student won’t achieve it, the parent won’t be able to legitimately attempt to enforce it, and the teacher will not be able to participate on the team very effectively. When the walls come-a-tumblin’ down, you’re in for a terrible fight and strong desire to quit. You’re going to want to ramp up the expectations in a reasonable way. Twice a week for a few weeks, then up to 3 times, 4, etc. Step up practice intervals in the same way. Some kids go through a “honeymoon phase” in which initial excitement causes heavy practice up front, but be aware that this phase ALWAYS ends, and healthy habit-forming will need to take its place eventually. You can get a lot of norms in place out of the “honeymoon” phase - so milk it for all it is worth, but please be aware that it WILL end.
Keeping a record will be critical to scaling your expectations. Over these longer time periods, you’ll be contending with vacations, illnesses, and other big events. You have a phone - use it! Or in my case, I like to keep a written record on my piano that is solely for this purpose.
Set up reminders. Speaking of those phones, you’ll need to commit to having some form of a reminder set up for yourself and your student. A fascinating finding of modern psychology is that wanting to remember something has virtually no effect on actually remembering it. In a set of clever experiments researchers have proven that a desire for memory has little to no effect on memory. You can want REALLY badly to remember something, and it doesn’t really make much of a difference. The operative variable in memory is simple; Think about it a lot. This is why wanting to remember something has the illusion of helping us remember. We have private ruminations all day long about the things we “want” to remember, but it is these ruminations themselves that provide the actual memory - not the wanting. If there is sufficient distraction from these ruminations - people simply do not remember. You may very well have a burning desire to remind your kid to practice. Your kid doesn't want to disappoint their teacher - they want to practice too. And you are both going to forget anyway! There’s nothing wrong with you - that’s how brains work. Things are going to come up. You are going to get distracted over the course of your week and it’s going to slip your mind. Set reminders on your phone or agenda or wall calendar or whatever it is you use.
Perform often
We do biannual recitals as a company, but you need to find other opportunities for performance as well. It can be as simple as playing for a relative or friend. Keep it low pressure! No one wants to play poorly for grandma and she is going to love it no matter what. The point is that performances, even mini or informal ones, create a sense of motivation and positive feedback to the whole experience of learning music. You should see the difference in my student’s eyes in the weeks after a recital; post recital, everyone wants to knuckle-down on the next big piece of music.
Make it positive!
This is behavioral psychology 101, friends. If you want to form a new behavior you have to give that behavior positive feedback, even when the behavior is not realized perfectly. If the student practices, praise the practice no matter how meager it was! Try this - instead of “telling” your kid it’s time to practice, try “asking” them to play whatever they are working on for you. Then it’s lavish praise - no matter what comes out!
Set up practice with positive feedback signals.
To this end, practice before your favorite activity of the day, so that the favorite activity can feel like a reward to the practice session. We don’t want to feel like practice is a barrier to fun things so be careful with this one. Maybe practice after that favorite activity, or give a completely unrelated reward like a special session with a toy or a special snack.
Praise effort, not talent
As you consider the positive feedback you’ll provide your student for their efforts please remember the mantra - praise effort, not talent. We music teachers get it - your kid is talented. A prodigy. The next Mozart. They love music and singing. As a proud father, I truly know exactly how you feel. But if you want long term success you need to leave this one in your own heart and be very disciplined about praising EFFORT only. Don’t get me wrong, especially after performances you can tell your kid that you think they are awesome. They should know you are proud! But if you make the feedback about their talent, you are dooming them to long term failure. People who are praised for talent are risk-averse, because failure means they are no longer talented. In contrast, people praised for effort are highly motivated to work at difficult tasks, because they know it’s just a matter of time before they conquer it. Failure simply means work harder next time. Now THAT is the attitude we want our kids to have! The avalanche of psychological research coming out about this critical truth has absolutely buried the argument completely in favor of our mantra - praise effort, not talent.
Lastly, be genuine and realistic
Praise is of course best when it’s genuine. And there’s no need to beat yourself up for missing a week. No student goes up in straight, smooth lines. Slumps are inevitable and we work through them with honest self-examination. But remember, too, that criticism is also best when it’s genuine. When it’s time to have a tough chat about getting refocused and working harder - don’t wait to have that chat or go easy on it. If good-cop/bad-cop is ever part of the game we’re playing - I hate to break it to you but it is actually more important for the parent to be the bad-cop. Anyone already working with me knows very well that I am willing to be the bad-cop when necessary. But remember, I only see your kids once a week, usually for 30 min intervals. It’s important, especially with very young students, that this is a positive experience. If this is a kid who wants to go pro, I’ll get out the bit and saddle and ride them all the way to Julliard. But, generally speaking, the mission here is to produce young adults who have integrated music into their lives as an ineffable source of fulfillment and pride. And at the end of the day there is no song to learn, number to check off in their book, audition to win, or any other such decoration that is as important to this as understanding the importance, function, and value of genuine, effective practice.
